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February 13, 2018 - Comments Off on sensei x

sensei x

se. x

to celebrate sensei’s tenth post and the hilarious title that goes along with it, i’ve made sure to highlight every mention of ‘ten’/change words as much as possible to resemble ‘ten’/included every possible rubbish ‘ten’ pun. it WILL get tenuous. pls enjoy

 

TASTE

There is an avocado-themed pop-up called Avobar opening in Covent Gar-ten from the 16th February. That sentence (tensence? tentence?!!?!) appears like it should be read in a calm, reasonable and accepting voice but let me assure you it is NOT. It sounds like shrieks - so loud and piercing they overpower even the sound of Elon Musk’s unnecessary rocket taking off - emitted by a mother (we will probably cast Jodie Foster) who’s realised she’s lost her second child to the inevitable Roaming Paedophile™, only days after losing her first to the same fate. It’s pure horror, basically. We don’t need an Avobar. Avobar should be renamed Anobar. Because no.


TOUCH

Time to download an app called Dumb Fun, which, if you’re any self-respecting smartphone zombie, you will do purely off the title and without giving a FF for what it’s actually about. I’ll tell you what it’s about tho, cos you must know by now I take great joy in giving my ten cents on things. It’s basically Pokémon Go (it does that whole AR thing a.k.a. the cop-out version of VR) but, instead of Pikachu, it’s collage art. You’ll enjoy this if you like Arturo Herrera, Mike McQuade, the general output of Tax Collection, or most modern music posters.


SMELL

DON’T LET THE RAT IN. Have u seen dis bollox. Amazon a.k.a. El Behemoth Majoris that we are all dangerously sound about letting fly unmanned robots into our homes (have you SEEN the Maxine Peake Black Mirror episode yet?!?!?) have just pa(ten)ted a new device that will tell them exactly what their warehouse employees are doing with their hands AT ALL TIMES. Appaz it’s to help guide them around the warehouse, as if humans haven’t been using their eyes and navigation skills to get around for, I dunno, 200,000 years. I mean, legit rofl. I know I sound like David Icke but this is full-fledged surveillance bullshit. They want to know when you’re looking at your phone, having a cig, doing a fiddle in the toilets, the whole ten(!!) yards. Don’t let the rat in guys.


HEAR

MGMT have released their new album, it’s crap. Listen to new EP from Mukqs A.K.A Maxwell Allison, who runs and does the album artwork for label Hausu Mountain instead. Made using no laptop and no overdubs, this music has #integrity and iz plain dope.

Bonus reco is Higher Brothers that a good mate of mine (ten)tatively put on at around 4am recently, knowing that it was either going to be a huge hit or miss. It was such a massive miss that it sort of turned into a hit, so alright on the night init. It’s terrible but that’s what the twenty-first century’s all about, raight? Plus, what can I say, it’s got great tenpo. Worth a listen. A lisTEN.


SEE

You might be regretting how much you were waxing lyrical about Happy End after reading about what Michael Haneke had to say about #MeToo, in that case make sure you bag a ticket to go see Lady Bird when it opens this Friday, directed by actress and Frances Ha writer Greta Gerwig. She’s sort of like a cross between Crystal Moselle and Chloe Sevigny and her name ain’t an anagram of ‘great’ for nothing. Her forward-thinking film game and feminism fatale trump that dated Austrian director tenfold. Silly Michael Pancake.

@larabaxter

February 6, 2018 - Comments Off on sensei ix

sensei ix

se. ix
this may or may not be a tide ad

HEAR

Yussef Kamaal. Trust me. I’m listening to the London-based duo now and I imploooore you with all my sensei soul to hear them too. If you’ve seen the Tribe Called Quest documentary Beats, Rhymes and Life (and I know you have because I have faith in your musical sensei-bilities my friend) and you were gob-open the whole way through, unable to comprehend the sheer sonic harmony going on between these fellas, then this particular strand of improvised electronic jazz is another one for your iTunes libe. Check out their ethos, as such, here. It’s half Henry Wu and half Kamaal Williams, who will be playing Village Underground on March 22nd. Get to it.

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January 23, 2018 - Comments Off on sensei viii

sensei viii

se. viii

lindsay lohan is designing an island in dubai called 'lohan island' so, dw, you will get through today

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January 16, 2018 - Comments Off on sensei vii

sensei vii

se. vii
whenever ur feeling down just remember how we can see the big bang happening, so there must be a future u somewhere that's looking at u and thinking lol what a mess but you'll get better Read more

January 9, 2018 - Comments Off on sensei vi

sensei vi

se. vi

nu yr who dis? welcome back to sensei, troops, for your weekly London listings of all the stuff you should be turning the attention of your five senses to.

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December 19, 2017 - Comments Off on sensei v

sensei v

se. v (gold rings)

someone pls msg me with a recap of 2017 recaps in exchange for this week’s London listings

TOUCH

Use the A8-sized lifeline that is your Oyster card to touch out at South Bermondsey station and head over to DIY Space for London. The cosy, creative space plays host to a variety of fundraisers, talks, gigs and workshops, has an in-house record shop and is cooperatively run by its dedicated members, one of which you can be for an annual fee of £2.

The vibe is inclusive and communal, so get your hands dirty and help out - they’re always looking for volunteers so check it out to see how you could contribute, learn some new skills and meet some open-minded people.

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December 12, 2017 - Comments Off on sensei iv

sensei iv

se. iv

four score and sensei years to go

HEAR
These wintry months call for tunes that sound like radiators warming up and body speeds lowering to the pace of a Greenland shark. So pls enter electronic artist Joe Seaton AKA Call Super and his album Arpo, which is the little bit of slippery sonorous rhythm you need to warm your cockles. Also, his dad plays clarinet on the record and it sounds like Crash Bandicoot discovered shrooms.

Follow up with Icelandic producer Ólafur Arnalds, whose melodic lamentation talents were used recently on adam&eveDDB’s ad for International Red Cross, pluuuus he’s just released a remastered version of his 2007 record Eulogy for Evolution on label Erased Tapes as they celebrate their tenth anniversary. Keep your eyes on peeled mode in January too for Nils Frahm’s new record All Melody for even more piano-heartstring-meltdowns.

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December 5, 2017 - Comments Off on sensei iii

sensei iii

se. iii

hold tight and bandage up, things bout to get sensual healing

TOUCH

Is your Christmas jumper game in dire need of a touch-up? Then head over to Somerset House on the 9th Dec for Give A Knit, where you’ll hang out with a couple of eco-designers for a session of clothes upcycling, a phrase that sounds suspiciously like another to add to the Buzzwords That Should Be Banned list, but is actually for a great cause, namely not contributing to the 1.5 MILLION TONNES OF CLOTHES WE THROW AWAY EVERY YEAR.

The workshop is in collaboration with environmental charity Hubbub and you’ll spend it embellishing, reimagining and somehow “digitally hacking” your garms. Please make sure you go just so we know wtf that means.

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November 28, 2017 - Comments Off on sensei ii

sensei ii

se. ii

the second edition of things to experience in London with all five sense muscles. basically the sensing equivalent to heads, shoulders, knees and toes. plus one more, I dunno, someone call M. Night Shyamalan.

SEE

Sum art, fellow philistine, because Alex da Corte is exhibiting his new show Bad Land at Josh Lilley Gallery in Fitzrovia. Imagine Nicki Minaj owned and art directed The Black Lodge from Twin Peaks and perhaps you’d get somewhere close to picturing this 4-room shrine to neon and plastic. Da Corte dresses up as Eminem too so there’s guaranteed additional lols, promise.

Go on your own for maximum varnish-inhalation but careful you don’t get too lean just from looking at his bongs made of Tic Tac packets - settle for an 11am espresso martini down the road at the Riding House Caff instead, like a good civilised mutt.

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November 21, 2017 - Comments Off on sensei i

sensei i

se. i

Presenting your new weekly wisdom of London-based cultural stimulants (not like that) for all five senses.

SEE

The animated music video for Teardrop Estates’ Scary Gary (below) featuring Frank Leone and Gary Wilson, visuals created by wicked collective RUFFMERCY who have worked with the likes of Nas, Madlib, Jonwayne, Flying Lotus and DJ Shadow. In other words, your dream dinner party guest-list, as long as your dinner party features Meyhem Lauren’s Turkey Meatloaf and getting batshit on that stuff they drink in Earl Sweatshirt’s EARL video. And after all that if you don’t feel like you’re passing Skittles through as kidney stones, then bleed your brains on some Pussykrew visuals and the latest from director João Pombeiro for the new Nightmares on Wax tune.

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