tired? you can't be Crashing as hard as Lee Bul at the Hayward Gallery though, get down to the immersive fancies there to prove me wrong
A big floating thing has appeared on the water outside the Serpentine Gallery. It’s a new piece from Christo A.K.A one half of Christo and Jeanne-Claude, up there with the Coolest Couples Of All Time and famed for their monumental outdoor art. 20 metres tall and weighing in at 600 metric tonnes, this 3D trapezium of scaffolding-esque piping barrels is already sending LDN into a spin, exhibit A being the Serpentine swimmers who are complaining that the sculpture’s shadow has left them ‘doing lengths in the gloom’. Yeah, that’s what you get from the type of people who exercise in Kensington. Go down to Hyde Park ends to (a) see the sculpture (b) hopefully feel at total peace and (c) throw eggs at said swimmers.
Booma Booma Booma Booma, I want you in my rooma. Yes, cheap Vengaboys fun always go down a treat. Knew you’d like that one. This Brixton establishment pairs modern Indian füds with ⅓ pints of craft beer, ooh whee we are smiling WIDE. In other newz, Night Tales is back, and it’s biting hard. Their new, permanent venue will open in July on Hackney’s Bohemia Place, and I got exhausted just reading about all its new features/bars/restaurants/DJs. Watch this space for empty house beats, people drenching their souls with prosecco, fusion food parading as something original and a general stifling air of pretension. I genuinely can’t wait.
Around this time last year, supercomputer AI extraordinaire IBM Watson learnt what it meant for a sporting moment to be “worthwhile” just from being fed past data, and then managed to create a Wimbledon highlights video all on its ownsome. Nice one. But just touch wood the machines aren’t taking over soon, because this year, they’re learning to answer back. Watson just took part in a debate club in San Francisco, and was not too shabby at all. General consensus was that the delivery was shit (think they just need to reprogram the voice to sound like ) but the content had a lot more So you can stop abusing Siri now, her - his? are machines gender fluid or neutral? - comebacks are gonna beat yours to a pulp. Probably already are tbh.
So I guess 2k18 is the year of the 23-minute album. Nas’ new wun NASIR, Pusha T’s DAYTONA, Kanye’s infamous ye and collab with Cudi on KIDS SEE GHOSTS, The Carters’ (pushing it at 38 minutes) Everything is Love. We're drowning in the half-hour hip hop. And the general opinion - spread wider than butter on a Turkish carpet - of the eternally snarky public is that these releases all, comically, somehow happen to be each artist’s most mediocre work, EVER. They’re all so average, so wildly average that you can’t help but wonder whether maybe they’re all in cahoots. Maybe they’ve all purposefully made TV-show-length work to try and tell us that no art was made in a 30-minute episode. Or maybe they’ve had enough of being these borderline musical genii and are taking a stand to show that they’re people too, and they’re allowed to make 5/10 average shit. Or maybe, we all just need to sit back and relax a bit, because not every rhyme needs to go where no rhyme has gone before, and you should be allowed to sing about certain themes but forget to mention key refs, and this loop is allowed to be as catchy as Taylor Swift, and yes, you CAN re-use samples from 7 years ago. I think we all know what happens when we get too angsty about giving a good performance, and if you’ve somehow forgotten then England playing in the World Cup is here to remind you. So consider the Era of Fucking Average royally christened, which is not quite a Dark Age of lyricism but definitely somewhere in the Dull Taupe region.
Croissants? Croisette? Are you frolicking in Cannes, or just with a can of La Croix in your PJs at home, watching Sasha Lane’s IG stories, eating Richmond chicken sausages and begging someone to come over to help nurse your hangover? In that case make sure you keep UTD (an abbreviation I’ll leave you to work out) with watagwan at this year’s Lions festival, as well as watching everyone on the YDA shortlist and Saatchi & Saatchi’s New Director’s Showcase. But start off with this interview with Sir John Hegs that does that unusual thing that only the advertising industry seems to do, which is continuously talk about how everything needs to change, but shows no significant shifts in any direction… the baton is yours, friends. Take that mother and beat the shit out of advertising.
Published by: Lara Baxter in All, Opinion
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